Please do me a favour and grab a pen. Really. This won’t work until you do. I’ll wait. . .Take your time….
I’m trusting that you’ve humoured me and grabbed a pen. So, what fine specimen do you have for us? Perhaps it’s the workhorse, a no frills, blue medium ballpoint? No? Maybe it’s a four colour “clicky” pen or a promotional pen? Have you ever noticed promotional pens almost always come with black ink? What a complete waste of time! If a company really wanted their business to get exposure they’d use blue ink in their promotional pens, but I digress. Personally, I’m rather partial to fine point blue pens, they render my thought explosions decipherable, well, decipherable if you can get past my rather abstract shorthand that is!
I have two problems with pens. First, the the type of fine point pen I like is a dying breed. I can’t find it at Big W. It isn’t stocked in K-Mart, or Woolies or Foodland. Even the stationery store on campus, whose selection of pens is enough to give the biggest pen aficionado a case of choice anxiety, no longer stocks them. In fact, there is only one place in town where I can buy these pens and it’s not somewhere I get the chance to wander into regularly.
My second problem with pens, is the pen monster. Perhaps you have had dealings with him already? He’s the reason behind your vanishing pens at work and the culprit for the exodus of the 12-pack of Biros you naïvely thought would replace them. We’re dealing with a professional here and the odds are stacked against us. Why? Well, I’ll let you into a little secret. Is there anyone reading this over your shoulder? No? Good…The pen monster is in cahoots with the sock fairy, he took lessons from her. I know, shocking isn’t it? The pen monster spends his waking hours plotting to pinch your pens as soon as your back is turned, spiriting them away from bags and coaxing them to roll off tables and into the spaces behind the desks, chairs and cupboards that never see the light of day. Most dastardly of all is his ability to make you simply forget your pens and if he’s feeling particularly vindictive, to use them until he engineers an ‘accident’ in the form of a leaking or ‘dead’ pen. So between the rarity of my favourite pen and the connives of the pen monster, the prognosis for my stationery supply is bleak.